I Can’t Keep It In

I love running so much right now I think I might just explode.

After a challenging training run this morning, I found myself listening to a little Cat Stevens, and every single song that came on made me somehow apply the sentiments to running.

I’m so #$%$! addicted, and you get to hear all about it:

Can’t Keep It In

-

Every new training day is like a completely new beginning.

Every single one.

The night before training, I lie in bed and think about the ways that I am going to push through the tough stuff, make my feet go faster, push those hips out further …and let ‘er rip.

I imagine it, picture it. Run through it over and over in my mind.

“Remember to smile, “ I say to myself, “It makes it easier.”

I remind myself how lucky I am that I have this ability. Not rock star ability, but just simply the ability to run. Flinging my body through the air, catching it, and doing it again.

I am healthy, happy, excited and living life to the fullest. Setting new goals and chasing them with a passion that consumes me.

It never gets old.

There’s always the next challenge, the next step, the next level.

I refuse to settle.

I’m really enjoying …running fast.

Where Do the Children Play

-

Sometimes I wonder what’s wrong with me.

…and then, I ride the train, or walk into work, or view the people on the sidewalks, and I wonder what’s wrong with them.

No one plays anymore. Everything is so serious.

Drivers honking, middle fingers flying. Silence on the elevators. Silence on the train. Impatience in grocery store lines. Chest-thumping arguments on Facebooks.

It’s all so exhausting. …and kinda sorta sad.

But my training is my play time.

Aggressive play that fatigues me enough to rival any pharmaceutical calming alternative.

It frees me from all the angst and worry and frustrations and social banter that means absolutely, positively 100% nothing.

It reminds me of the joy of my family – which is 100% everything. It reminds me that I am free. I can move my body and feel good whenever I want to and nothing else matters but the sound of my breath, the beating in my chest, and the form of my body. Constantly scanning, evaluating, adjusting, so the pace never falls.

And if it does, so what, there’s always tomorrow.

Sitting (but only for second ‘cuz on my way)

-

I am working extra super duper crazy hard.

I have huge goals.

Training for this 2:55 marathon has been an humbling, dramatic series of incredibly challenging training runs.

And with only 39 days of training left,  I’m still way behind.

I need to be at a sub-38:00 10K, but I’m only at 39.

I need to be at a 1:25 half-marathon, but I raced a 1:30 five days ago.

And while the math shows my marathon at more like 3:10 at best, I’m not going to give up.

If I can train myself to run 20 miles at 6:53 without falling apart, I can force a progressive run for an additional 6.2, I know I can.

And even if it ends up that I can’t, then I will try again.

and again.

and again.

and again.

This is the most fun, I’ve ever had in my life.

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Comments

[...] this is a helluva contrast from my previous post. Life sure can be funny. photo: a couple of hours after my spill. Worry sets [...]

Know the exact feeling, and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it other than run more. Good luck in your 26.2.

I love this post! I get it! Thanks for sharing these feelings. I am having a hard time this year getting back to that feeling of being free and moving the body freely. It really helps to hear that it possible, as sometimes I forget. Good luck with the 2:55 marathon!

Gary

Agreed. Running is awesome! But how long have you been at it? I hope you can keep the flame going Christian, but I tell you, after running for 20 years it gets tougher and tougher to keep the motivation. Eventually you will plateau in terms of speed, PRs, target goals etc… The real trick is to keep exploring and come up with different challenges and not all necessarily in the realm of running. I’m encouraged as you’ve discovered some other athletic endeavors outside of running as I have. Last thing. Being the jack of all trades is fun, but if you really want to peak and a specific distance you need to focus your training on that endeavor. If you really want that sub 3hr marathon then you need to focus ONLY on that for a chunk of time; no ultras or other distractions. That’s the only way. Trust me on that. Same advice would hold for whatever specific goal race you have pending. Always eyes on the prize!
+1

Hi Christian,

If you can run a 1:30 half I think you can hold on for another 1:30 or less. Try to Break 3 hours first. Once you are over that mental hurdle 2:55 will come soon after. It would be pretty awesome to go right to 2:55 though!

One of my favorite albums of all time is Tea for the Tillerman by Cat Stevens before he changed his name to Yusuf Islam. He kind of disappeared for a few years and relatively recently re appeared . I just figured he ran out of money!

We had the inaugural Cape Cod 100 as a fat ass to test the course two weeks ago. I ran with a guy named Dan Rose who came up from DC and stayed at our house. I ran with him for 48 miles and crapped out at that point. He ran solo to the finish in 16:12. Amazing. Check out his run/race report at his blog named run 192. Dan is a member of the US Ultra running team, a cancer survivor, and just a real nice guy.

I know that feeling well! Told ya I was going to let you know how my first 100mi race went, the Pumpkin Holler 100. Well, I was the first female finisher! It was one of the most incredible and humbling experiences of my life. I laid in bed after the race with swollen feet and legs, unable to walk, I was overcome with a feeling too wonderful to describe and a smile that could not be erased. And I am still smiling. Can’t believe this average runner did it. Hungry for more! Best wishes to you! Thanks again for your blogs.

Lori Enlow

Christian:

I truy believe you have it in you and there is no question about your heart. But I have to agree with Rob. You’ve heard it….jack of all trades, master of none.

Ah-MEH-zing

Sent from my mobile device

Sorry Christian but I don’t think you’ll run a second under 2:57 ;-)

John
(I’m hoping to run closer to 3:20)

If only you were more passionate about running… {sigh}

:)

Awesome Christian,

Maybe you will! Maybe you won’t! Either way you win! The win is in each day you run and thats what the songs are about! The moment!

thanks for writing

Christian;
Sounds to me like a coach and a specific training program are just what you needed. I just ran a 3:26 / 26.2, my PR by 21+ minutes. I can’t even imagine getting below 3:15 never mind 3:00.

3:26 BQs me at my age, but still leaves me registering the last day of Boston register, as opposed to the early registration categories they opne up by sub-20:00+, sub-15+, sub-10+, so I may actually have to get out there and develop a track workout to ensure I can run at Boston in 2013.

Nice post as always Christian.,
Tim

Agreed. Running is awesome! But how long have you been at it? I hope you can keep the flame going Christian, but I tell you, after running for 20 years it gets tougher and tougher to keep the motivation. Eventually you will plateau in terms of speed, PRs, target goals etc… The real trick is to keep exploring and come up with different challenges and not all necessarily in the realm of running. I’m encouraged as you’ve discovered some other athletic endeavors outside of running as I have. Last thing. Being the jack of all trades is fun, but if you really want to peak and a specific distance you need to focus your training on that endeavor. If you really want that sub 3hr marathon then you need to focus ONLY on that for a chunk of time; no ultras or other distractions. That’s the only way. Trust me on that. Same advice would hold for whatever specific goal race you have pending. Always eyes on the prize! :)

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